1989 (USA)
Amir Shervan
Robert Z'Dar ... Yamashita
Matt Hannon ... Joe Marshall, the samurai cop
Joselito Rescober ... Fujiyama
Gerald Okamura ... Okamura
Melissa Moore ... Peggy
Krista Lane (as Cameron)
For once, I just don't know where to start. I've attempted over and over to review this movie, but I just didn't do it justice , how do you describe the movie that has everything? An over the top 80s cop movie that takes itself just seriously enough to keep it from being a farce. It's like an unintentional absurdism.
Think of it this way. When a good song is being played, you notice if the player hits the wrong note a few times. But let's say the player plays all the wrong notes, it becomes a completely different song in another key. That my friends is Samurai Cop. Nothing works, it's nothing but mistakes, but it is so amazingly bad that you can't take your eyes off of it.
Take for example, the title of the movie, Samurai cop. You get the idea of a sword-wielding Japanese police-officer. What does this movie give you? A Chippendale's dancer with shoulder-length women's hair. What I mean by this is, when a guy has long hair, it still looks like guy's hair, usually. It looks like this guy is wearing a wig to be perfectly honest. Together with his trusty black sidekick Frank they fight against the Order of Katana, an totally brutal Japanese gang!
In order to give the bad guys a more menacing image, their overdubbed voices are usually treated to sound gravelly. Not to mention the film is sometimes sped up to create an illusion that the chase is going faster or to make the martial arts scenes more exciting.
Joe, the Samurai Cop, spends more time hitting on girls than he does hunting the Katana. The first of these gals is the sexy female police-gal Peggy. Right off the bat this film delivers some great footage of Peggy in her birthday suit. Let's just say she brings a whole new meaning to the word 'perky.'
Let's get to the jokes. The comedy of the Samurai Cop world. Lots of sex jokes. But all of them are strange and come out of nowhere. Viddy:
Frank: The Captain is going to burn my ass.
Joe: Yeah, he'll burn it, jet black.
Frank: It already is black.
Joe: Right on.
Peggy: Hey Preacher.
Preacher: Yeah?
Peggy:You and I got nothin' to do...Let's fuck.
Preacher: Shut up!
Frank crawls under a fence.
Joe: Why did you go under?
Frank: Cause I'm an undercover cop.
Nurse:Would you like to fuck me?
Frank gives a silly wide-eyed reaction shot.
Joe: *into her stethoscope* Bingo.
Nurse:Let's see what you got. *grope* Doesn't interest me.
Joe: What would interest you? Something the size of a jumbo jet?
Frank reaction shot.
Nurse: Have you been circumcised?
Joe: Yes why?
Nurse: Well your doctor must have cut a large portion off.
Joe: I have enough. It's big.
It's stuff like this over and over throughout the whole movie. I mean...lookit, it's like nobody that made this movie had any idea of what they where doing and even less about how the police actually solve crimes and do their jobs. Most of the plot of this movie involves them catching the Katana members but accidentally killing them! But they need a live Katana member to testify in court!
No matter what they do they can't bring in a live Katana member. At one point a mob henchman actually machineguns down the gang members to keep them from talking!
Things get worse. While the Katana gang is going around murdering and torturing the entire police office, Samurai Cop Joe is too busy boinging his latest interest to care. And *grimace, get this, at one point *grimace, he walks around in a bikini. Who thought this would be a good idea? Whatever respect you may have mustered up for the Samurai Cop quickly goes down the tubes.
The martial arts segments, believe it or not, aren't that bad. They're not that good, but at least it looks like they actually know some real moves. It's got some great sword slashing and gun shooting as well. And it certainly delivers when it comes to showing us hot babes.
Yes, my friends, this movie has everything and you'll laugh all the way through. To make matters even better this DVD has a comedy commentary be THE Joe Bob Briggs. Joe Bob will have you cracking up, as if this movie wasn't funny enough on its own.
Don't take it from me, take it from Joe Bob Briggs: Buy and watch Samurai Cop!
